What is up, my dudes?

So, like, there's this very important book out there. It's called the Bible. 

Maybe you've heard of it?

Anyways, the Bible is made up of two different other books.

The 1st half is called "the Hebrew Bible" - aka "the Old Testament" - aka "the Tanakh" - aka "that long-ass book my parents asked me to read but I couldn't be fucked to do so because it's so fucking long". 

The Hebrew Bible itself is, like, a collection of a lot of smaller books (I know, it's like Book-ception). The Hebrew Bible is considered holy for believers of both the Jewish and Christian religions (religions are, like, GoFundMe movements, but with holidays where there's no school and you can chill at home). It's basically, like, the story of how the world was created and how this really cool dude named "God" tries to help people not do shitty things. 

The 2nd half is called "the New Testament". The New Testament is holy for Christians, and is made up of four main stories (plus a few others), a lot of letters, and a prophecy at the end. It's considered holy by Christians. There are a lot of Christians apparently in the world - you may actually know one! The New Testament is a continuation of the Hebrew Bible, but this time God works through this really chill dude named "Jesus" who tries to save people. If you ever heard someone yell "Jesus Christ", this Jesus guy was actually named after that expression! Whether or not he's the real deal is, like, your opinion and up for you to decide. 

Anyways, this Bible book is very important, and has been translated into, like, a shit ton of other languages: English, French, Spanish, German, Russian, Swahili, Japanese, Korean, Wookie - all of those languages and, like, a lot more. 

However, there is one language that the Bible has not yet been translated into. That language is, of course, the dialect of English for bros: "Bro-glish". 

Now, some of you may be asking, "What is a bro"? Well, like, if you're asking that question, then you're clearly not a bro and this is not for you. Like, go away. 

But if you're a bro, then, like, do I have something for you: for the 1st time in human history, a Bro translation of the Holy Bible is being made available. 

My Bros, this translation, "the Holy Broble", is going to totally fuck up shit in your mind. 

Alright, so this is how things are going to work, my dudes:

I - Daniel Silverman - will be translating the Bible into Bro-glish, starting with the first chapters of the first books of both the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament. The 1st book of the Hebrew Bible is called "Bronesis" (aka "Genesis" in Mom-and-Dad English). The 1st book of the New Testament is called "The Gospel of Brotthew" (aka "The Gospel of Matthew"). I'll be posting links to each chapter down below. 

Now, a few things to keep in my, my dudes:

#1 - Reading the Broble will actually require reading. Yeah, I know dudes, reading isn't fun, and not all of us are very good at it. But, like, this is maybe a great chance to practice. 

#2 - This is a work in progress. I actually don't have all translations of the Broble available as of now (August 25, 2023). I'll (try to) translate two chapters for the Broble - 1 from the Hebrew Bible and 1 from the New Testament - each week starting from now (8/25/2023). Yeah, I know, this will require to do some waiting. But, like, remember that "patience is a virtue". I think Yoda from Star Wars said that. 

#3 - Unlike other translations, I won't be translating each verse of the Bible. I'll be translating each chapter, for sure, but not each verse. The reason is that the complex vocabulary, grammar, and syntax of Bro-glish simply makes this shit impossible. So like, yeah. 

LAST NOTE: If you like the Broble, then, like, you should totally consider reading it in other languages, my dudes. Mom-and-Dad English, Latin, Wookie, or maybe even the original Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek (I know, the last 3 sound totally made up, but believe it or not - they're actually not!). Just for convenience, I'll posting the original texts below each translation. Yeah, I know, I'm fucking awesome. 

Anyways my dudes, I hope the Broble helps you out and shit. It changed my life, and, like, maybe it can do the same for you too. You don't even have to believe in the God or the Jesus guy - you just need to think about what the Bible tells you to do. Hopefully, it changes you for the better, and after reading it, you become like totally motivated to fuck up shit for the better. 

Godspeed, God bless, and let's all go out and fuck shit up (for the better).

- Daniel Silverman

For email updates on when the latest chapters of the Holy Broble are available, please sign up here.