I saw Barbie exactly one year ago. As a small tribute to that date, I’ve decided to publish my thoughts on what “Kenough” means. The phrase itself is just a play-on-words from a scene from the end of Barbie, but – for better or worse – I’ve gone ahead and added more meaning to it. Here it is:

What

What is Kenough?

Eden. Elysium. Nirvana. Tian. Valhalla. Heaven. 

These are the names of different ideas from various religions and cultures. Some refer to a place in the afterlife, others to states of being that transcend time and space. Each has its own specific cultural and spiritual context. Elysium and Valhalla, for example, focus more on heroism and glory, while Eden and Nirvana idealize the absence of desire. Regardless of the specific details, these terms - along with many others that could be listed – are united by a common concept that most people can understand: paradise. 

Most (if not all) civilizations have an idea of existing in an eternal state of fulfillment and peace. What that peace looks like or how one gets it (acts of heroism, sacrifice, adherence to godly rules, etc.) differs. The point is that paradise – a place without suffering – is a common human aspiration and goal. 

So, is “Kenough” just a modern spin on these older religious concepts? 

No. 

For one, “Kenough” is not about religion. Being Kenough has no relation to following strict spiritual guidelines or accepting religious dogma and theology. Kenough may be a complement to religion, in the sense that becoming and serving as an active member in a religious community may help one become Kenough. But beyond that, there is no religious element; Kenough has no prescriptions on what God is or how to be a good person. 

Secondly, Kenough is not about the afterlife or existing beyond the limitations of our material world. Being Kenough has nothing to do with attaining reward after death or transcending time and space. I don’t know for sure what happens after death, and so I can’t give guarantees on what will happen. Nor can anyone else.

Being Kenough is about the here and now. It’s about trying to attain a sense of fulfillment and steadiness in your life, regardless of whether or not you believe in God, Heaven, or the supernatural. At the risk of sounding cliché: it’s about trying to gain a measure of peace. 

Being Kenough is not about happiness. 

Happiness is an emotion, and, like all emotions, it is fleeting. 

There’s an old fable I heard when I was kid that puts this idea well:

Long ago, a king once challenged the wisest philosopher in his kingdom to simultaneously make a happy man become sad and a sad man become happy with the same sentence. The philosopher met two of the kingdom’s joyous and depressed people in the king’s court, and gave them a single slip of paper to read. Upon reading it, the joyous man became sullen and the depressed man started smiling. The king asked to see the paper. On the paper, the philosopher wrote: “This too shall pass.” 

Being happy is great – obviously. It feels great to laugh, to have fun, and feel good, both physically and emotionally. But those good things don’t last forever.

In a world of limited time, space, and resources, we can’t all be happy all the time. Just like we can’t always be the richest, most beautiful, or most athletic person of all time all the time. Even we did somehow attain peak wealth, beauty, and fame, someone would soon surpass us. Time moves on and we all get old and less capable. Even if we miraculously became the top of whatever industry or field we care for, we can’t expect to be #1 forever. Same with happiness.

It’s an impossible task to achieve, so if we aim to be “happy” in our lives, we’re setting ourselves up for inevitable disappointment. If we can’t be happy all the time, what can we be then? 

Being Kenough isn’t about being happy – it’s about being content. 

By “content”, I mean a steady satisfaction with your ability, resources, and social standing at any given point in your life. 

Now, some people might say that this ^ definition is the same thing as “happiness”. If people want to think that, by all means. But let’s be clear – this is not “happiness” as it is most commonly understood in 21st century modern English. 

Being content is not about physical or emotional joy, optimism, or excitement/exuberance.

Being content – being Kenough – is about freedom from envy of others for what they have, blaming others (your parents, your community, society, the world, the universe, etc.) for what you don’t have, and anger and depression about your place in life. It’s about freedom from insecurity. 

Being content isn’t about being absent-minded and ignoring injustice. You can be content in life and still be outraged at obvious crimes and widely recognized failures in society, institutions, and systems. 

Being content isn’t about living carefree and getting rid of your ambitions and aspirations. You don’t have to become a Buddhist, Catholic, or Orthodox nun/monk and live an ascetic life somewhere removed from civilization. You can, and should, have some dreams that motivate you to be an active person in your daily life and community. 

Being content is definitely not about giving up all hope and pretending that nothing matters in life. It’s not about being a nihilist. 

Being content – being Kenough – is about being able to survive your worst moments of weakness and fear without compromising your own future potential, if not your family, friends, and fellow community members. 

When those bad moments in life come – and they will come – how will you handle them? When you feel hatred, jealousy, grief, and despair, will you lash out at others and try to pass on your pain to them? Or will you understand that these emotions are fleeting, and that if you can weather the storm of their pain, at some point, they too shall pass. 

Even in the worst-case scenarios if the root causes that cause such pain cannot be solved (uncurable sickness, death of a loved one, you lose your job, unchangeable financial disaster, absolutely no hope for romance – you name it) – can you withhold yourself from reacting violently or self-destructively until the moments of happiness arrive? Because they will arrive - in some form or another - at some point. 

Being Kenough isn’t about trying to feel at your highest, for as long as you can. It’s about being able to survive when you’re at your lowest, for as long as you must. 

It’s about knowing yourself well enough so that you discipline your emotions, and not the other way around.

It’s about making sure that the labels in your life (who you’re dating, your job, your income, your looks, your talents, blah blah) don’t decide how you live, and instead being able to decide how your life rules those labels. 

That’s what it means to be content. To be “Kenough”. 

Why don’t I just say “content” instead of “Kenough”? 

Because “content” doesn’t sound special and is kind of boring, whereas Kenough is catchier and more fun to say and therefore easier to remember. There’s no deeper meaning beyond that – and that’s fine. 

Who

Who is Kenough?

The “I am Kenough” phrase (which I’ll admit I put on a few t-shirts) is a bit of a bait-and-switch. 

No one is actually really, truly, 100% “Kenough.” We can’t be perfect, and so we’re all going to have insecurities in some form for the rest of our lives. We’re only human.

That said – we can still strive to be as close to perfect as possible. Even if we can’t be 100% free from insecurity and anxiety, 99% if still possible. Just because pain will exist in our lives doesn’t mean we have to let it rule over us. Even if we can’t win gold, we should still play the game of life, because - maybe - we’ll get silver. 

Let me put it this way: 

Imagine you’re walking towards a mystical city of paradise, where there is no pain or suffering. The start of your journey is far from your destination, but you take off nonetheless. Each day you get a little closer, and soon enough you begin to be able to see the city in the distance. It’s on a hill and too hazy to see clearly, but you can still make it out. You spend the rest of your life inching, day-by-day, to the city. Until, on your last day, you make it to the city gates. You’re too weak to make it inside, so you lay outside of it. Although you aren’t able to go inside, you hear the singing and laughter from within. You smell the scent of the marketplace and the gardens inside, and can almost taste the waft of the food cooking in the splendid kitchens. In the end, you aren’t able to see the city, and, truthfully, you never would have. Yet you made it as close as you possibly could have. Having done that that gives you the closure that you otherwise would have found inside, and that’s good enough. That’s Kenough. 

So, anyone (myself included) wearing an “I am Kenough” t-shirt is not actually 100% “Kenough,” in the same sense that a broke graduate student wearing a sweatshirt that says “I am a millionaire” is not actually wealthy (maybe in knowledge, but not in money, lol). 

That said - wearing “I am Kenough” merchandise isn’t a lie either, because it’s not really a statement about the here and now. It’s more of a (hopefully) funny declaration of intent. It’s a statement about how said people are optimistic that they will be Kenough one day, even if they aren’t today. 

Will they ever be totally “Kenough”?

Nope, probably not. 

But they’re going to try to be nonetheless, and – for that reason – you have to give credit to their optimism. And they’re optimistic enough that they’re wearing a goofy shirt. A goofy shirt with a goofy slogan from a movie about plastic dolls that come to life. 

Maybe we should laugh at them. Maybe I should laugh at myself. If so – at least you got a free laugh. So, hey – let them wear the shirt. 

Where

Where should we be Kenough?

Everywhere. Everywhere, except the beach. 

The beach is for beaching off. 

Joking – obviously, try to aim to be Kenough everywhere you go, without exception. 

When

When should we be Kenough?

Echoing what I said before, Kenough is an aspired statement of eternal existence for the here and now. No one is going to be Kenough at all moments – we will all fail to our insecurities at some point. 

That said, we should try to aim to be Kenough at all times nonetheless. Don’t give yourself exceptions, because then those exceptions will turn into excuses and the exceptions will become patterns and rules in of themselves. 

Why

Why should we be Kenough?

There’s definitely a point to be made that having everyone be content – be Kenough – in their lot in life is good for society. People who aren’t jealous, hateful, insecure, and depressed aren’t probably going to act in violently or miserably towards themselves or others. A society made up of content people is probably a lot more stable than the opposite. 

So, maybe this alone is a good enough reason to be Kenough…

…But that’s not really the best point to be made. 

Undoubtedly, becoming Kenough so to make sure you don’t tyrannize or brutalize your family, friends, and fellow people is commendable (and, in my opinion, a moral thing). 

But you shouldn’t want to be content – be Kenough – only for other people. It’s just as much about yourself as it is for others – if not more. 

Being Kenough is being able to look around your life at any given point – without abandoning your ambitions and ignoring the very real pain in your life – and realize that you can and will find happiness at some point in your life – in some form – regardless of what happens to you. 

It’s being able to know that happiness will still come, even if you suffer from the failure of not achieving your goals as you wished you did. Therefore, the humiliation of failure isn’t as sharp. It’s being able to know that you find joy one day, even if you’re at the darkest moment of a terrible episode of pain and anguish. Therefore, the pain gets a little lighter. 

So, why wouldn’t want to be Kenough? Why would you prefer constant anxiety, turmoil, and bitterness if you could have some measure of lasting peace, calm, and satisfaction? Even if you can’t have perpetual peace, why wouldn’t you want to choose the possibility of living a calm life with the occasional storm versus letting your mind be a constant storm? 

Being Kenough isn’t just for other people. First and foremost, it’s about helping your own life. As a cool bonus effect, society does better as well. 

Marcus Aurelius, other Stoics, and various Buddhist writers have written about this much better than I have. The only advantage I have over them is that I’ve connected this idea of content to a fun movie with witty pop culture references, a cool soundtrack, and well-choreographed dance scenes. 

How

How should we be Kenough?

This is actually the hardest one to answer. 

It’s the hardest one to answer, because the answer is – I don’t know. I'd be lying if I said I did. 

For all that I’ve written, I don’t actually know how to lead a content life – how to be Kenough. 

I have my own insecurities, anxieties, and problems. Although I’d like to think I’m handling them for the most part, I know sometimes I lose control and I fuck up in some way. I guess I’m only human. 

Again, various writers from different cultures and faiths have written about this, and you should look to them for guidance (hence one reason I encourage people to get involved in religious communities). But let’s be clear – you can look to them for guidance, but not answers. 

The works of philosophers, theologians, and ethicists of yesterday may have worked super well for a specific time, and even then, I doubt they provided perfect guidance for people of those ages. Regardless, those times are long gone. So, we can’t just impose the ideas and guidance of the past onto the present without effort. 

Marcus Aurelius didn’t write about dating in the Internet Age. The Bible doesn’t have any passages about social media. There are no hadiths about what the Prophet Muhammad did when his boss fired him over email. Adam Smith and other Enlightenment philosophers don’t have much to say about how to face the distress that comes when thinking about the potentially apocalyptic results of human-made climate change or nuclear weapons. 

The one thing I can say for sure is that no one individually has all the answers, so I’m not going to blindly follow anyone who claims to know the path to that City Upon a Hill. 

And I’m not going to lead anyone either, because – again – I don’t have the answers. 

...But maybe we don’t need to follow anyone. 

Maybe, instead, let’s talk among ourselves, and hear each other out. Listen to what we have to say: our ideas, our experiences, our beliefs. More importantly, let’s observe how each of us interacts with society and structure our lives. Speaking for myself, I’d rather be judged by what I do rather than what I say. 

Maybe by listening and looking, we can get some ideas of how to figure this all out. How to be content. To be Kenough. 

Maybe we don’t have to follow or lead anyone. Maybe there’s a third option, where we (figuratively) walk shoulder-to-shoulder, and that’s how we get to the gates of the City. 

Maybe that’s good enough. Maybe that’s Kenough. 

Daniel Silverman, July 29, 2024